I’m sure many married people have asked themselves this question. At one time I did too.
My answer was: YES, I did marry the perfect person for me. The man I married 19 years ago knew just what I needed when I needed it and how I needed it.
He has driven me to madness but he has also propelled me to happiness.
He made me want to be a better person than I was; although he would have been perfectly happy with the girl he married, he makes me want to be worthy of his love.
He makes me smile. Even at my worst, this man can make me smile. And during the lowest of low moments when nothing could bring forth a smile, he was there to cushion me until I could muster one.
After 19 years of togetherness is our marriage perfect? Of course not. Nobody’s is. We make love but we also make wars. And I’ve learned that it’s all good because it’s what happens in between the loves and wars that truly matters. It’s the mundaneness of living everyday with the same person that is important. It’s the day’s hellos and goodbyes, the good mornings and good nights that matter. It’s the mere words and acts that we take for granted. It’s those that when you make a conscious effort to inject love in the ordinary and actually mean it, they become extra ordinary.
When you say ‘HELLO’, for instance, say it as if you said ‘hello! I am truly happy to see you’. When you say ‘GOOD MORNING’ say it as if saying ‘I am glad to open my eyes and you’re the first thing I see. I am glad to start another day with you and I can’t wait until we are back in this moment again to say GOOD NIGHT.’
To the man who still can make me smile and can still make me feel beautiful as a girl but respects me as a woman and friend, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. We don’t look the same as when we said I DO but neither would I say ‘I DO’ the same way. Today, if I were asked again to answer, I will say I DO more confidently and ardently because I know what is to come…and I do not regret one moment of what has come to pass.
I’ve forgotten where I got the article that I pulled the quotes from below. I think it may have been via email and I had saved it in draft for a later post. I think this is a good time as any to read it again and post it. Reminders like these help old married folks like us but it could also be helpful to those just starting relationships.
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the __expression “the labor of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage/relationsh ip work. Sure true love can only happen after you’ve fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don’t feel like doing it —- that’s true love. And that’s the foundation of a lasting and strong marriage.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can “make”love.
Love is indeed a “decision”.. . Not just a feeling. You’ll not just go away with your relationship just because the feeling is gone. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen.
Remember this always:
“God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.”
FW: Ruth Beltran
“Marriage is more than saying I Do. Marriage, like a precious plant, needs constant tending for it to grow, flourish, and bear fruti to last a lifetime, and beyond.”
-David and Evelyn Feliciano