Category Archives: funnies

The Spaghetti Video

I live so far away from most of my Filipino friends so I don’t really have anyone to share my Filipino quirkiness with. Lately though, my daughters have been getting more interested in their heritage and are slowly delving into all things Pinoy.

Jade, for instance, has been into watching YouTube videos from other FilAms like Happy Slip and her comrades. I think Jade is finally picking up on some of the typically quirky Pinoy sense of humor. She is the one who shared this video with me on how to make Filipino Spaghetti. It’s not as much as the recipe that’s funny, (it’s actually pretty good – try it) it’s the delivery. 😀

p.s. you gotta wonder…. it’s gotta be only in the Philippines that you can find a humongous bottle of banana sauce like that!

Things to ponder in 2008

This is from a forwarded email, just thought I’d share it with you:

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions:
Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,
teach a person to use the internet
and they won’t bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ….
Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile
when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to Criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00
and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought For 2008 :
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and
millions of cows in America but we haven’t got a clue as to where millions of
illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the
Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration?

Jokes – Kids say the darndest things

This was a forwarded email, but it was so funny I thought I would share it here.

Kids are QUICK LEARNERS.

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”
GLENN: “K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
MILLIE: I is…
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, “I am.”
MILLIE: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washingtonnot only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s, Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it’s the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Only in the Movies

Here’s something shared by Toni, some Funny stuff!!! Can you think of other things that only happen in the movies?

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or
opposite the building you are visiting.

2. When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a
note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be
the exact fare.

3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you
personally at the precise moment it’s aired.

4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should
always be closely investigated.

5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds.
UNLESS it’s the door to a burning building with a child inside.

6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into
will know all the steps.

7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with
a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German
soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in
Paris.

11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often
than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned
a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have
been suspended from duty).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will
also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when
food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched
precariously on the dashboard…

15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which
will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break,
only fruit will spill out).

16. Cars never need fuel (unless they’re involved in a pursuit).

17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts,
your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing
around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their
predecessor.

18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just
throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

20. All single women have a cat.

21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal
gravity system is never damaged.

23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a
passing St Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.

24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.
Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel
to any other part of the building undetected.

25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a
picture of your sweetheart back home.

26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis.
They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are
friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don’t mind at
all what the girl does for a living.

27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of
a football stadium.

28. It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when
beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be
restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying “Hello?
Hello?” repeatedly.

29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all
than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone’s Law).

30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room
will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by
removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their
enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly
gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on
a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control
tower to talk you down.

35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a
strip club at least once.

36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and
accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.

38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red
handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.

39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture
present (even people who aren’t liked and would never get invited to
parties).

40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real
life too!).