Wow, it’s the first day of October. Can you believe it? It will be Christmas before you know it, and I shiver at the thought! Life has been crazy lately but this week has just been insane.

Weirdly enough, I woke up in a good mood on Monday morning having rested over the weekend and actually accomplished some things on my to-do list thus not feeling like a total loser and slacker like I normally do on Monday mornings. But by noon time my mood has soured.

Monday was an irritable day. I saw something online that irritated me. Well, I don’t know that irritated is the right word when you see a picture of your husband and an ex-girlfriend on his site. I think it was more of being a little bit hurt. Oh I know I have nothing to worry about. I have complete faith in his love for me and he probably didn’t mean anything by posting the photo of them together when there is not one photo of his wife anywhere. STOP… I’m starting to get snarky again. But that’s done. If I don’t think about it, it will eventually go away or I’ll get mad at him for no reason at all some days or weeks down the line and neither one of us will know where it came from. LOL!
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I posted this poem here before, I have it written in my journal/notebook that I carry with me all the time. Sometimes when I’m sitting waiting for the kids to get out of school or practice or whatever it is they may be doing, I take out my notebook and either write or just read what I’ve scribbled in the past.

The other day, I was feeling a little down.

The bills were coming due and more expenses were to be expected. It is, after all, end of the year already and the girls’ activities and expenses are increasing as we speak. I was thinking how it totally sucks that everytime unexpected expenses come up, I have to figure out a way to juggle this and that without having to go to the “borrowing from Paul to pay Peter” route. I was thinking I would write all about my suckiness in my notebook.

Then, I stumbled across this poem as I was flipping through the pages…

Last night was unseasonably warm for December. My husband and I were actually on the porch with just light sweaters, looking at the moon and the stars last night. We were watching the clouds move across the face of the moon, a slight breeze pushing them on. We thought it was treat but apparently tonight will be an even bigger treat for star gazing.

Tonight is supposed to be a full moon and it will be a rare full moon because it will be closer to the earth that it have ever been in the last 15 years. Being closer to the earth means it will appear to be larger and brighter than ever. The forecast is that tonight will be colder than last night, but you can be sure we’ll be out there gazing at the moon.

Are you a sky gazer too? We are. It is an awesome sight, the stars are, for one. But more importantly, for me it’s a time for introspection. Realizing that no matter how large my problems and worries seem to be, in proportion to the universe, it really is just small stuff.

I didn’t have to stay up late last night after all. Not even two hours after our polls closed, even though N.C. was too close to call at the time, it was apparent who our next president was going to be. Our phone started ringing. You’d think it was Christmas. I felt like crying but squealed instead. We giggled a lot. But part of the time, we were somber even melancholy. We thought about our parents, grand parents and great grandparents who would never have believed this day would come.

It should not have mattered in the first place, it shouldn’t have been an issue, but damn, a black American is finally in the white house! I’m at a loss for words… It’s hard to describe how much pride I’m feeling right now. How much more the people I love? They who lived through segregation? They who couldn’t get a drink of water because they had a touch of black? They who couldn’t vote and were persecuted for wanting to vote? They who suffered unspeakable humiliation just for existing?

It’s not that a dark skinned person is finally president of this country, it’s not that that makes me happy. I am happy and I am hopeful that maybe there is a chance for people to change after all. I am hopeful that the dream that Dr. Martin Luther King’s talked of, of not being judged by the color of one’s skin, is finally sinking in. I think a lot of the celebration going on last night is not about having finally got one of our own in there, it’s that finally, we are being judged by the content of our hearts and mind rather than the wrapping it came with.