So how does a month and a half fly by and you don’t even notice it? It seems like it was only days ago when I posted last. At the time, I was grappling with keeping my emotions and reactions to negativity in check. I did find the answers I was looking for. It calmed me down and it also helped that there was so many things going on with the girls that I kept busy most of the time. They are still busy, what with the school year ending and Asi graduating from high school and gearing up for college, my plate is full.

This was also prom time and with two high school girls, you can imagine the flurry of activities leading up to the big days. You’d think it was a wedding coming up and not a mere prom. It makes me wonder if we drove my mother this way during this time?

Right now, I am still sorting some things out. I worry how we’ll pay for college. I worry how my baby will fare out on her own. I worry that my youngest is not getting enough experience to fulfill her potential. I worry how my social butterfly will handle her senior year. I worry about the house, about the husband, about the garden and everything else in between. I worry that my gray hair and wrinkles are increasing exponentially with every new worry. And yet I worry. Because I suppose that is what I do best. And even with a plateful of blessings, I worry.

I’ve always believed that life has a way of giving you what you need when you need it.

This has been a trying week in one aspect for as much as I avoid negativity, it seemed to have hounded me this week. I don’t normally allow myself to be baited into confrontations but earlier this week, I was challenged. It took almost everything I had to not sink to a level I don’t normally frequent.

So in the serendipitous and synchronous way of nature, it sent me not only sunshine but also signals. Affirmation that I was right to ignore people who are bent on hurting me just because they are hurting and not loving themselves at the moment. The green monster can wreak havoc on one’s mental state. I get it. It doesn’t mean I am immune to it.

But the sun came out and warmed my soul when this saying came at me out of the blue. Well, more like the blueness of Twitter, but it doesn’t make it less profound:

When life gives you curve balls, sometimes the best way is to not swing.

Then today being Maundy Thursday and also April Fool’s Day, all my Facebook friends had statuses relating to either; some are holy and thoughtful and some are silly and foolish but none the less profound. One buzz caught my attention in particular, from fellow blogger Noemi, who said,

If there is one commandment in the Gospel that challenges me is “Love one another, as I have loved you.” We can come to Holy Thursday prepared by our reflection on how difficult it is to love some people, either because we recoil at their “smelly-ness” or because we find them unattractive or unable to love us in return.

Now everyone who knows me, will know that I am not religious at all and so I am not always the first to quote from the gospel. But today, I used the basic premise of Noemi’s post as my reflection. She used it in the context of the state of elections in the Philippines at the moment, but I am using it to deal with the ugly thoughts and emotions that I allowed to surface this week. Especially when she said this:

How does one love someone who gets pleasure in maligning the good name of a person?

It’s a difficult thing to do especially when you are the object of that person’s ire and they are determined to not only see you in the worst light but also to let as many people know of their delusions. What should you do?

You put yourself in their place and try to think as they would. That’s what you do and that’s exactly what I did. After I calmed myself down, I began to see clearer how jealousy and hate can eat you up from the inside. The ugliness festers within and seeps its “smelly-ness” until you are permeated with it. Until you are drowning in the mire. I know how it feels. I have been there before and it is not a pleasant feeling. It drives you insane. It eats up everything good inside you and leaves no room for love.

So I understand where the hate was coming from. I can empathize and I can forgive. The hurt still stings, but my spirit can love again. And yes, even people that hate deserve to be loved by those they hurt. Being loved  in return is not important in loving someone. In fact, the love is more pure when you don’t expect it back in return. So think about that the next time someone gets on your last nerve and you feel like being ugly in return. Think about what they’re going through and yes, even make excuses for their actions. Because in the end, not hating them will only make you a more loving and better person.

Amen.

Wow, it’s the first day of October. Can you believe it? It will be Christmas before you know it, and I shiver at the thought! Life has been crazy lately but this week has just been insane.

Weirdly enough, I woke up in a good mood on Monday morning having rested over the weekend and actually accomplished some things on my to-do list thus not feeling like a total loser and slacker like I normally do on Monday mornings. But by noon time my mood has soured.

Monday was an irritable day. I saw something online that irritated me. Well, I don’t know that irritated is the right word when you see a picture of your husband and an ex-girlfriend on his site. I think it was more of being a little bit hurt. Oh I know I have nothing to worry about. I have complete faith in his love for me and he probably didn’t mean anything by posting the photo of them together when there is not one photo of his wife anywhere. STOP… I’m starting to get snarky again. But that’s done. If I don’t think about it, it will eventually go away or I’ll get mad at him for no reason at all some days or weeks down the line and neither one of us will know where it came from. LOL!
Read the rest of this entry »

I posted this poem here before, I have it written in my journal/notebook that I carry with me all the time. Sometimes when I’m sitting waiting for the kids to get out of school or practice or whatever it is they may be doing, I take out my notebook and either write or just read what I’ve scribbled in the past.

The other day, I was feeling a little down.

The bills were coming due and more expenses were to be expected. It is, after all, end of the year already and the girls’ activities and expenses are increasing as we speak. I was thinking how it totally sucks that everytime unexpected expenses come up, I have to figure out a way to juggle this and that without having to go to the “borrowing from Paul to pay Peter” route. I was thinking I would write all about my suckiness in my notebook.

Then, I stumbled across this poem as I was flipping through the pages…